Wednesday, January 28, 2009

The Dept. of Thieving Worthless Avaricious Bastardos

And now, from DETWAB, the Dept. of Thieving Worthless Avaricious Bastards:

I was just reading that collapsing, federally-funded AIG paid out $1 billion in "retention" bonuses to its employees, using bailout taxpayer $. Retention pay at a time when these financial geniuses are being fired like capguns? Now THAT's chutzpah! In yo' face, TARP!

Also, Thain,* ex CEO of Merrill Lynch, rushed to pay out $4 billion in Xmas bonuses to his company clowns just days before BofA bought collapsing Merrill Lynch. Both the bonuses & the BofA buyout were made possible by bailout taxpayer $. Bastardo Hijo de Puta Hijo de Putamadre Hijo de Perra Lewis, the CEO of BoA, pretends he has no responsibility in the matter. Actually, you can be sure that Lewis knew what Thain was doing and let him do it so his acquisition of Merrill Lynch could go through. In other words, they colluded.

And Master of the Universe Lewis, what a brilliant move that was, acquiring a company with untold billions in toxic assets. Now you've completely devastated the share value of BoA. Give the man a golden parachute!

And don't get me started on imploded Lehman Bros. CEO Fuld, who sold his $13.5 mill mansion to his wifey for a generous $100 last November to keep his assets away from the creditors he FUCKED. I guess he figured he was giving the dough to somebody he regularly fucked anyway, so what's the difference? Oh wait, he'd have to sell the house to his MISTRESS for that to be true, verdad?

I hear 5 of these TWABS have offed themselves so far (including the French aristocrat who was a shill for Bernie Madoff and the German billionaire who flung himself in front of a train in Der Vaterland). I say these are the 5 most honorable thieves in the creepycrawlycollapsing Financial World, so far. But I look forward to others owning up to their shame and cleansing the Earth of their slimy selves by blowing themselves away with speeding bullets, leaping off tall buildings in a single squishy bound, and/or failing to outrun powerful locomotives.