I used to feel poor. But now I feel rich. Because only a rich guy could owe as much money as I do.
I'm dieting. But the only thing getting thinner is my hair.
I had my first cyber date. I already knew that "on the Internet nobody knows you're a dog." So I wasn't surprised when she turned out to be one... But she was a really really OLD dog. She looked 15 years older than what she said, 25 years older than what she was, and 35 years older than her photo. Maybe she forgot to recalculate from DOG years. Hell, I'm an ugly old sumbitch myself. But at least when I was a pup I was a CUTE pup. She was so ugly she couldna ever been cute. Not even in the litter.
My buddy has had 2 dozen Internet dates. Says it's the InterKennel. As far as he can tell, EVERYbody on it is a dog.
"So why do you keep datin' 'em?" I ask. "That's why they call 'em blind dates," he sez. "Eventually one's gonna be so ugly she blinds me. Then I won't see she's a dog and we'll live happpily ever after."