Friday, September 30, 2005

Booking on Virtue



"But I do know that it's true that if you wanted to reduce crime, you could, if that were your sole purpose, you could abort every black baby in this country, and your crime rate would go down," Bennett said.
He went on to call that "an impossible, ridiculous and morally reprehensible thing to do, but your crime rate would go down. So these far-out, these far-reaching, extensive extrapolations are, I think, tricky."

I don’t know what all the squawking’s about. I think Mr. William Bennett, the author of The Book of Virtues, has stumbled on something extraordinary. But why stop at aborting all the BLACK babies? Why not abort the white, yellow, red, brown, and plaid babies as well and see how far the crime rate plunges?

I know what you’re thinking: If we abort all the babies, what will happen to the corrections business---America’s fastest growing industry and a vital source of employment in an era when we are downsizing and outsourcing most employees? Right now we boast a robust prison population: the United States is a world leader, locking away away more prisoners per capita than just about any nation in the world. More than Russia, more even than South Africa. We’ve got enough inmates in lock-up to make a city 3 times as big as New Orleans, and I’m talking about New Orleans BEFORE the hurricanes.

But if we choke off the supply of crime-prone infants, pretty soon our prison population will dwindle down to a precious few nonagenarians on death row, staving off their executions with appeals for the umpteenth jillionth time. Not only will our jailhouses and penitentiaries become sad, echoing, ghost towns, but what will all our guards, or corrections officers, or whatever the hell is their most current and politically correct title, do?

If we leave them in place with scarcely any prisoners to guard, time will hang very heavy on their hands. The echoing corridors of the prisons, emptied of the cheerful banter of prisoners as they bugger and shiv one another, will likely drive the guards to madness. And even if the officers manage, by contemplating their fat pensions-to-come, to fend off madness, they’re bound to get up to all manner of devilish mischief with so much free time on their hands. They may, for example, take up reading and thinking and begin to consider the morality of aborting ALL babies, including their own. They may wonder, for example, who will still be around to take care of them in assisted care living in a few years.

But the answer couldn’t be simpler: If we abort babies of every stripe, hue, & plaid, then we will create an extraordinary vacuum in this great and good nation of ours. And into this vacuum will be sucked the eager citizens of all the overcrowded and underfed and under-employed nations of the world. They may come here, legally or illegally, just as long as they understand that any babies they are gestating or conceiving will be aborted forthwith in the name of public order. So if they want to raise kids here, they better give birth to the children first, THEN bring them across the border.

All, or at least many, of those new immigrants and their children can then work in assisted care living facilities, taking care of the retired but aging corrections facilities officers who are living off their fat pensions.

But I know what you’re thinking: Long term, what will become of America’s most promising industry----incarceration? Fear not. Perhaps at first the abortion of all children within the borders of the nation will knock a hole in the prison population and in the revenues of the prison industry, or corrections biz, or whatever the hell it’s called. But in the fullness of time the children who are brought into America by new legal and illegal immigrants will surely take up the slack. Those are the children, white yellow brown black and plaid alike, who will become the felons, rapists, bunko artists, murderers, embezzlers, and counterfeiter of the future.

In the meantime, white collar crime among middle-aged American born citizens is burgeoning. Just look how many members of the Bush Administration and the U.S. Congress, including the Majority Leader himself, are under indictment. Not to speak of the legions of CEO’s and CFO’s like Bernie Ebbers, Mike Koslowski, Jeffrey Skilling, Andrew Fastow, and that really old guy that ran Adelphi, who are either under indictment or are already convicted and imprisoned. For every CEO like Martha Stewart who is let out on parole, there must be a dozen who are only a hop step and a jump from being charged, tried, convicted, and sentenced to take her place. Gentlemen like that dear friend and booster of the President, Kennyboy Lay. And don’t forget the politicians-in-waiting! What about Karl Rove and Scooter Libby? Will they ever be charged with anything in the Plame case? Even if they aren’t, there are plenty of smaller fry who will be or are charged and nailed and sent away.

For example, there’s Lynndie England, the poor little private who was dumb enough to let her boyfriend photograph her in highly compromising positions with the tortured of Abu Ghraib. She just got HER conviction and will be cooling her heels for three years in Leavenworth. Sure, the big enchiladas like Atty-General Alberto Gonzalez and Lt. Gen Ricardo Sanchez and Sec. of State Donald Rumsfeld who created the policies which made the torture possible will never be tried, but at least little dimwitted Lynndie will be taking the heat FOR THEM. And that is likely to always be the case in this great nation of ours: The little blue and olive-drab collared mice will do the time in prison for the actions of the big white collared rats. And so we can rest assured that our prisons, federal, state, and municipal alike, will remain stuffed to the gills, no matter how many babies of how many shades we abort.

Who knows? Is it too much to hope that some day the President will, as promised, finally smoke Osama bin Hidin’ out of his hole? If and when he is captured, he’s such a big deal that he’ll have to have a WHOLE NEW PRISON built just to accomodate him.

Anyway, Mr. Bennett, it may scarcely prove necessary to abort all the black babies to reduce the crime rate because there are already many successful governmental policies in place to abort black folk of ALL ages. Just there other day a perfectly healthy city FULL of black folk filled up with a 20 foot storm surge and, presto change-o! In no time all de black folk was disappeared. Some crept up to their attics to escape the rising waters, and there they no doubt drowned while crying out to heaven for help from Secretary Michael Chertoff of the Department of Homeland Defense. But Secretary Chertoff, like his disgraced underling Michael Brown of FEMA, was sitting on his hands while New Orleans drowned. And the wonder of it is, Mr. Homeland Defense still has his job!

So if another city full of crime-prone black fetuses and babies and toddlers and teens and adults and oldsters is threatened by a storm, why, we still have this Secretary Chertoff in place to make sure they go down like stones in the NEXT storm, or terrorist attack, or earthquake, that’s going to take them out. And so the crime rate will continue to plunge! No WONDER Secretary Chertoff has been left in place. What BETTER way is there to ensure the security of the Homeland than to eliminate a crime-prone native-born ethnic group and/or social class. Because surely anyone working for minimum wage is either crime prone or a fool or isn’t going to survive for long anyway. So you could say that the pathetic minimum wage, which is far from a living wage, is another form of Homeland Defense because it’s certain to thin out the numbers of the crime-prone.

And the wonderful thing about all the black folk who drowned in New Orleans is, they have been cooking in the floodwaters and chemicals and sewage and petroleum gumbo and heat for so long their corpses are no longer recognizable as themselves or even as black people. So the evidence will make the mass slaughter appear to be an equal-opportunity crime instead of a genocide directed at a specific ethnic and socio-economic group. For all we, and the coroner, know, all those drowned corpses were rich white folk! There’s just no way of telling for sure!

And now that all the shotgun shacks of the Ninth Ward are rotting with mildew, they will have to be bulldozed and golf courses and Disney Worlds and Convention Centers and other income-streams and cash-cows will have to be constructed in their places. And don’t worry about the crime-prone black people and their crime-prone fetuses RETURNING to their old stomping grounds in New Orleans. Thanks to the malign neglect of the Federal Government and the U.S. Congress they have been so traumatized that many of them say they NEVER want to come back to New Orleans and that they would prefer to live wherever it is they had to flee to.

Now the wonderful thing is, many of the crime-prone black adults and infants and fetuses that had to evacuate New Orleans fled to the Great State of Texas. And there, so they say, they prefer to stay. And the greatest thing about the many great things about the Great State of Texas is that it ALWAYS leads the nation in executions. And most of the citizens who are executed are black or brown or at least striped or checkered. So you can be sure that Texas will soon be convicting the crime-prone black evacuees of New Orleans of capital crimes, sentencing them to be hung until deaddeaddead, and stashing them on death row, and executing them forthwith. And nothing stops black recidivism like execution. In the whole history of American penal policy, there is not ONE case of a black man or woman being executed and then getting out of prison and committing another crime.

Oh sure, black people are so crime prone that even the executed ones would LIKE to commit another crime. Hell, plenty of them are wrongly executed, having been arrested by sheriffs whose membership in the KKK is in good standing, then tried in kangaroo Courts, and then judged & sentenced by racist juries and judges. And when they appeal to a governor like the former Governor George Bush of Texas for a stay of execution, you know he won’t be listening, not even if they’re retarded women. And those wrongly executed black cons are steaming mad, and would like nothing better than to come back from the dead and wreak vengeance on those who murdered them. But it ain’t gonna happen. Not any more than those aborted black babies would be able to hail a cab and find Mr. William Bennett’s office and fill his pompous, sanctimonious, fulminating, self-serving, self-righteous, Vegas-gambling, virtue-touting, pockmarked, media-mongering, stuffed-shirt carcass full of lead.



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