Saturday, September 10, 2005



I just heard on the news that Our Fearless Leader’s approval rating is at an alltime low. The talking head told me that “only 38% of Americans approve of the job President Bush is doing.”

Well hell, I think 38% is pretty darn good, considering the circumstances.

My question is, what do the 38% approve of? That he took a vacation while one of our greatest cities washed into the Gulf of Mexico? That he appointed an unqualified hack to head the Federal Emergency Management Agency? That when he finally DID end his vacation he flew West to a fundraiser instead of East to the Sunken City? That he strummed while N’awlins drowned?

Which thing or things do all those folks approve of?

Do they like the way he engineered gigantic tax cuts for the upper one percent while the Federal Budget tumbled into trillion dollar deficits? Maybe that’s it. I know it sounds strange, because you’d think the MAXIMUM percent of the population that could approve of such a tax cut would be the 1 percent what’s getting it. But maybe the other 37% just delights in seeing some folks get richer and richer. Maybe they’re hoping to find employment as sailors on the yachts that the upper 1% is gonna buy with their new tax cuts, or maybe they’re hoping to work as maids, cooks, butlers, or gardeners in the new estates that the upper 1% will be able to buy thanks to W’s good works on their behalf or maybe the approving 37% is hoping to get hired as chauffeurs so they can drive the new Mercedes and Rolls and Ferraris the upper 1% will be able to buy with their taxcut bonanza.

Or maybe the approving millions just enjoy, for reasons known only to themselves, watching the Federal Deficit grow bigger and bigger. Maybe they want to see just how big it can get. That’s an all-American thing and it’s a Texas thing, too. But even if all the people in Texas approved of the job W’s doing that wouldn’t make 38%. So maybe it’s a Ripley’s Believe It or Not kinda thing. You know: “Can you BELIEVE how big the deficit is?!”

“No I can’t, but you know what, I’ll bet it can get even BIGGER!”

“No! How is that possible!”

“Why, by spending sixty billion a year in Iraq, plus letting everything go to hell in N’Awlins and then having to spend a hundred billion to fix that, plus giving giant tax breaks to the rich, plus doing away with the estate taxes on the humongous estates of the richest 20,000 in the land!”

“Halleluia, brother! It’s a wonderful thing our President is doing!”

“A WONderful thing!!! But he wouldn’t be able to do it without the aid of the Congress and the Senate!”

“You’re right there! I mightily approve of them all!” So it must be going in the minds of tens of millions of approving Americans. And they must be approving of the war in Iraq, too. “You know what I love about the war in Iraq?”

“Tell it, brother!”

“That it looks as if it’s going to go on forever! Ain’t no exit strategy!”

“Halleluia! Who loves a war that ends before it hardly gets started? What kinda war would THAT have been?”

“A half-assed war, that’s what kind. But that’s clearly not the kind we have, and I heartily approve!”

“You said it! What else is wonderful about this war is that all that stuff President Bush told us was the reasons we had to jump in there in the first place has turned out to be NOT the reason why we’re there now.”

“What’s gratifying for me is that I can’t even REMEMBER why we invaded in the first place and I don’t much CARE why we’re there, now. All I know is, thousands of American boys and girls have spilled their blood over there, and in order to keep faith with their sacrifice, we have to stay over there and spill thousands of gallons more of American blood and get thousands more American arms and legs and eyes and heads blowed off!”

“It’s the American Way! That’s why I so heartily approved, in the most recent poll, of the job our President is doing. I’m proud to be an American, and I’m proud to be one of the 38%!”

“But it don’t stop there!”

“No it don’t. But why don’t it?”

“Because I’m sure our President will be doing stuff I heartily approve of in the future!”

“Say it, brother!”

“For example, he’s appointing this feller Roberts to the Supreme Court. Roberts is a corporate man. He can be counted on to vote for whatever’s best for the big corporations. And he’s not too enthusiastic about civil rights, either!”

“God bless him and God bless the President. I’ve had just about ENOUGH of civil rights! You can HAVE my damn civil rights!”

“I don’t want your damn civil rights! I don’t want mine, either! You can stick yours and my habaeus corpus and Chapter IX where the sun don’t shine! Or in Guantanamo, whichever is closer!” They both share a hearty laugh. “Civil rights is what’s been wrong with this country! Rights for women, rights for colored folks, rights for individuals, rights for cripples! They muck up the system something awful!”

“No longer! From what I understand, Attorney General Gonzalez, a close pal of the President, has just about vaporized the nasty things!”

“Hot damn! Them civil rights like to make me puke!”

“Worry about them no longer, my friend. They’re in the rear view mirror and receding lickety split!”

“Halleluia! I can’t TELL you how much I approve of that! And what’s more, I’m so happy to hear that taxes are down for the giant corporations and that profits are THROUGH THE ROOF for big oil.”

“I heartily approve.”

“Do you own big oil stock?’

“Nope. But I buy gas like there’s no tomorrow and pay more for it every week. Hell, it costs me more to fill my Hummer’s tank once than it does to outfit my daughter for school for the whole year!”

“That’ll teach that vain bitch humility! Let her wear her sister’s hand-me-downs!”

“Halleluia! If she’s wearing rags to school, she’ll look that much less alluring to the boys and it’ll be that much easier to for her to practice abstinence!”

“She’s already practicing abstinence? Isn’t she too innocent to be abstinent? I thought she was only 6 years old!”

“They start early now, especially at home!----wink wink!”

“I hear you brother. But what if you knock her up? Don’t you want her to be able to get an abortion?”

“What?!!! An abortion? And kill her new little brother?! What is also her new son?!”

“Well, which is it?” He proceeds to slap the other in-between each of the following replies:

“Her brother.” Slap! “Her son!” Slap! “Her brother!” Slap! “Her son!” And so on and so forth, slappity slappity slap!

“Thank God the President’s going to put a stop to THAT by appointing fellers to the Supreme Court who’ll overturn Roe vs. Wade.”

“You said it, Zeke!”

“Clem, you heartily approve?”

“Jeehosophat yes! All the way to that little darlin’s bedroom!”



Anonymous Anonymous said...

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9/10/2005 9:54 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Interesting. Are you sure you're not Michael Moore or his evil twin. No, forget that. His twin couldn't be any more evil---or scarey, for that matter. You can't remember WHY we went to Iraq? You don't even care?? I guess you thank God, or whomever it is YOU pray to, that you or a relative or a friend isn't in one of Sadam's mass graves. America. It's a great country. It's the country that allows horse's asses like yourself to write and roam freely. Alot of men died for that and you don't even have a clue.

9/11/2005 4:25 PM  

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